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Wednesdays With Andrew: Amadeus only…Bachs need not apply

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So I was on a long roadtrip recently, coming back from a wedding in the sleepy Hudson River Valley (Lewis/Steph if you’re reading this – that was tits-up, outta control fun), and my mind started to wander to Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. As minds do. In the substance- and boredom-addled limbo between consciousness and dream state, I unwittingly struck out on a weird voyage, dreamily unhinged and free from the constructs of time and space, and also involving some questionable historic reference points (not sure dinosaur wizards existed when Mozart was tickling the ivory, but I’m no historian so i’ll let the book nerds come to that conclusion).

The story begins with our young hero, in the form of an injured pup, trapped in a small cage constructed of ivory and ebony, forced to perform on cue by a grotesque creature resembling Cthulhu but with the face of Joe Jackson. A nomadic reptilian wizard who happens to catch a show one night takes pity on the young virtuoso pup, and steals into Mozart’s lair under the cover of night to secretly teach him how to warp the sounds of his recitals, honing into powers older than this earth. With this newfound ability, the enslaved musical savant begins to gain strength from otherwordly forces. Over time, our artistic, possibly autistic, Austrian composer embodies his final form, a viking wolf that matches the size of his musical skill (that’s big). He breaks free from his cage, overpowers his father-captor and becomes the single greatest canine composer his side of the Danube. Fast forward a few years, and Wolfgang A.M. is chilling poolside with fellow gangstas Biggie Smalls and Pablo Escobar, sippin’ on Veuve and spitting sick lyrics.

ANY FUCKING WAY…sensing that there must be some higher purpose to this completely fabricated vision quest, I have decided to dedicate the week’s playlist to the singular most important contributor to Western music…oh no, not Mozart….Falco. To be more specific, Falco’s 1985 behemoth hit song, Rock Me Amadeus. That’s right. This week we’re featuring 9 tracks and 36 minutes of Rock Me Amadeus, and covers of Rock Me Amadeus from all sorts of random fucking groups.

To paraphrase the immortal Charles Dickens, “It was the best of playlists, it was the worst of playlists” Enjoy.

Annnnd here’s the web player link, for all you Antonio Salieris

Serious bonus internet points if you make it through this whole damn thing.

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